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[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I don’t mean to be rude or anything but I didn't plan on starting this week by joining a new cult. I’m sure you’re all very nice people but the email tag is super sketchy and invasive. Especially with what's been going on in the news lately. This stuff is totally the last thing California needs.

Only-

This is all very odd.

How do you even deal with this anyway? I mean If one of you says “I’m Athena Goddess of War” or whatever and the next person says, “Oy, I’m Irish and my brother is the God of War so put that in your pipe and smoke it!” who even wins? How can two people, deities, be of the same thing without causing a time ripple whenever they go near each other? Or do you cause a time ripple? Is that why you have to go all google on each other instead of talking in your face places?

Sorry. I guess it’s none of my business. You all seem like very interesting people. Uh. When I'm famous this will be a really good story to tell Conan.

Enjoy?

Comments

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

I can assure you we're not a cult, but things aren't going to get any easier. We were all forcibly brought here, just like you were. My name's Tess, and I'd like to help you if I can. There are a lot of good people here who can help too.

Those are some interesting questions, but so far nothing like that's happened.

Famous? What are you looking to be, hon?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Um I mean, no offense but would you even know it was a cult once you were in it? How can it get worse? But fine. I'm Britney. And you seem all reasonable and junk so I won't ask you if you think you're the Nose Goddess of whatever.

I'm going to be an actress. I'm guessing that's why you got my email address.

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

Well we haven't had anyone in robes saying how our spirits are going to ascend to Venus after drinking spiked wine, so I'm fairly certain we're not in a cult. As for how it could get worse..that's a lot to explain.

Actually none of us here contacted you. ..Let's just say for now there are two cyber-stalkers that none of us have been able to find yet.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

See when you put it like that it sounds way more fun than what I was thinking. Do you have an elevator pitch version of reality I can go with?

Wait though... So they can read this right now and you don't know why they are or what they want? But we keep typing anyway?

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

Not sure, sweetie. Frankly to someone hearing it for the first time it can't help but sound weird. I can try and explain things, but little of it would sound logical.

Yeah..not ideal but we really have little other means of communicating with each other.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Fine, I guess. Um, So who is Tess then? Besides all mothering lady who isn't weirded out by this. How are you so cool with it all?

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

Oh I'm still weirded out by it all at times, you just get used to it bit by bit.

Who is Tess? Well at the risk of sounding crazy, my original name was Frigg.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Gateway emails are even worse than gateway drugs.

I knew it! Wow, I was just asking what you do for a living. So when I guessed Norse I was right? What's the Norse equal-ness to a cult? I mean it's the best pantheon so 'go team' congrats.

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

Very true.

Oh, whoops. I'm a wedding planner actually. But cat's out of the bag, yes I'm Norse. Honey, I assure you we're not a cult.

Best? Why do you think that?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

That's a pretty cool job! I guess once you declare yourself all Goddessey, and after that whole monster thing, you don't have to be scared of Bridezillas anymore.

I dunno. It's the one I know the most about. And I know mythical Frigg was supposed to of been kind and authoritative and all that other important stuff. Son named Baldr. Everybody ate a lot of fruit. Loki is terrible. The greatest hits of junk.

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

Oh trust me, there are still plenty of Bridezillas, and Groomzillas for that matter. The giant snake was almost easier to deal with.

You studied Norse myth? You sound like you have a basic knowledge of things.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

And no smiting? It seems like Goddesses should get smiting dibs.

Not really. Not much of a school person. Doesn't everyone know that much? Norse is all fashionable right now.

[monkeyshinez.insanejournal.com]

Hi! It's California so it's not that we need more cults or wackiness or crazy stuff but we know how to roll with it better than anyone else in the country. I think, anyway. But I'm a native here so I'm probably a little biased but, if you're here, too, you have to agree. We're a pretty special state.

Oh, but we're not a cult. It's more like a help group, I guess you could say, or a meeting place. Not like Plenty of Fish or Match.com or anything and definitely not like Chat Roulette because that place really is crazy.

But the emails will stop now. I promise.

My name is Javi, by the way! I'm up in Berkeley. Where are you?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I know, right? And then the monsters! I'm sure the monsters are new. I mean it would explain our amazing special effects but I think the union people would get upset.

What do you need help for that strange emails fix?

Still it's nice to meet you, Javi. Uh, sort of. Sort of nice, because weird, and sort of meet since the internet is all ambiguity about that. I'm over in L.A. So far away but not miserably so.

[ill-met.insanejournal.com]

We deal with it by shooting "paper, rock, scissors." It's the only civilized way of handling things.

I'm just teasing. It really hasn't created a problem yet but I suppose it could some day if one of us shows up and feels particularly greedy. Though there's always some delicate politics that we have to jimmy with sometimes. I mean, what do you do with two fairy queens? Which sounds like the start of a hilarious joke, huh? :)

My name is Misha, by the by, and welcome to the funhouse!

[monkeyshinez.insanejournal.com]

Totally upset and that might lead to union strikes and that pretty much never makes anyone happy. Besides, the monsters hit Florida, too, and who wants to film there if you can avoid it? No offense to Florida!

Don't worry. You'll get used to weird. It's a way of life around here but it's mostly a nice kind of weird. Pretty much everyone here is really cool and, even if you belong in one group, you can be friends with people in another. I'm Hindu, for instance, but I'm pretty tight with Mel from the Greeks and Anubis from the Egyptians. Everyone's got a lot of interesting stories to tell.

If I'm ever down in LA, can I look you up?

[mr-bes.insanejournal.com]

It's almost a relief that you didn't start getting these emails until recently. Or at least that you didn't respond to the emails until now. You can see things were a little crazy there and it's better to be safe than sorry. I would rather we all be safe, to be honest.

My name is Cal Hobson and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm a teacher up in WA.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

So not only is it creepy it's actually, like, legit dangerzone? Dude. If you're so scared how come you stick around?

Hi, Mr. Hobson. Do your students know you think you're a godly dude?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Two fairy queens is def more than the usual amount. It seems like a karaoke solvable problem though! Unlike the deity thing which will probably need a few good talker people and a guitar hero or five.

Hi, Misha. I'm still Britney. Still really confused too. How long until it gets fun?

[blood-dog.insanejournal.com]

Tough luck, kid, but you're stuck here now. If you know who you are, then it will be easier but, if you don't, you'll figure it out soon. It probably won't reassure you any but most of the old grudges are dead and gone so we can get on with our lives pretty normally for the most part.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Also it might sink. And Atlantis seems even less fun. :(

... Yeah you can come by. But I'm only loling you because I googled all those things and both seem like pretty cool pantheon figures. It seems like Hinduism would be pretty cool with multiples anyway though? Do you think you're somebody keen?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I'm Britney. It's a nice name. It wasn't all dated when I got it. Right now Britney is pretty legit worried she's gonna be kidnapped by a giant. Do you always greet people this way?

[blood-dog.insanejournal.com]

Honestly? Pretty much, give or take so don't take it personally. I'm not good at soft and cuddly and, believe me, you wouldn't thank me if I tried. The name is Lukas Volkov but, around here, I go by Ares.

Don't worry about giants, by the way. Goliath wouldn't have a clue about what to do with a sweet young thing like you and I'd give him a smack if he tried to think of one.

[mr-bes.insanejournal.com]

I stick around because it isn't like I have much of a choice. Besides, I have my wife and our children to protect. Not to mention my friends.

Of course my students don't know. I would rather no one know, frankly, and I try to keep under the radar as much as possible. It is pretty easy when no one remembers you except specialized Egyptologists.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

GOLIATH? Seriously? Nope Nope Nope. You think you're Ares and you're saying everybody's getting along? My Greekfu isn't strong but aren't you a 'grr arg' god? Blood and guts? I bet even your mortal life is crazypants from over here.