001.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I don’t mean to be rude or anything but I didn't plan on starting this week by joining a new cult. I’m sure you’re all very nice people but the email tag is super sketchy and invasive. Especially with what's been going on in the news lately. This stuff is totally the last thing California needs.

Only-

This is all very odd.

How do you even deal with this anyway? I mean If one of you says “I’m Athena Goddess of War” or whatever and the next person says, “Oy, I’m Irish and my brother is the God of War so put that in your pipe and smoke it!” who even wins? How can two people, deities, be of the same thing without causing a time ripple whenever they go near each other? Or do you cause a time ripple? Is that why you have to go all google on each other instead of talking in your face places?

Sorry. I guess it’s none of my business. You all seem like very interesting people. Uh. When I'm famous this will be a really good story to tell Conan.

Enjoy?

Comments

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

I can assure you we're not a cult, but things aren't going to get any easier. We were all forcibly brought here, just like you were. My name's Tess, and I'd like to help you if I can. There are a lot of good people here who can help too.

Those are some interesting questions, but so far nothing like that's happened.

Famous? What are you looking to be, hon?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Um I mean, no offense but would you even know it was a cult once you were in it? How can it get worse? But fine. I'm Britney. And you seem all reasonable and junk so I won't ask you if you think you're the Nose Goddess of whatever.

I'm going to be an actress. I'm guessing that's why you got my email address.

[the-all-mother.insanejournal.com]

Well we haven't had anyone in robes saying how our spirits are going to ascend to Venus after drinking spiked wine, so I'm fairly certain we're not in a cult. As for how it could get worse..that's a lot to explain.

Actually none of us here contacted you. ..Let's just say for now there are two cyber-stalkers that none of us have been able to find yet.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

See when you put it like that it sounds way more fun than what I was thinking. Do you have an elevator pitch version of reality I can go with?

Wait though... So they can read this right now and you don't know why they are or what they want? But we keep typing anyway?

[monkeyshinez.insanejournal.com]

Hi! It's California so it's not that we need more cults or wackiness or crazy stuff but we know how to roll with it better than anyone else in the country. I think, anyway. But I'm a native here so I'm probably a little biased but, if you're here, too, you have to agree. We're a pretty special state.

Oh, but we're not a cult. It's more like a help group, I guess you could say, or a meeting place. Not like Plenty of Fish or Match.com or anything and definitely not like Chat Roulette because that place really is crazy.

But the emails will stop now. I promise.

My name is Javi, by the way! I'm up in Berkeley. Where are you?

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I know, right? And then the monsters! I'm sure the monsters are new. I mean it would explain our amazing special effects but I think the union people would get upset.

What do you need help for that strange emails fix?

Still it's nice to meet you, Javi. Uh, sort of. Sort of nice, because weird, and sort of meet since the internet is all ambiguity about that. I'm over in L.A. So far away but not miserably so.

[monkeyshinez.insanejournal.com]

Totally upset and that might lead to union strikes and that pretty much never makes anyone happy. Besides, the monsters hit Florida, too, and who wants to film there if you can avoid it? No offense to Florida!

Don't worry. You'll get used to weird. It's a way of life around here but it's mostly a nice kind of weird. Pretty much everyone here is really cool and, even if you belong in one group, you can be friends with people in another. I'm Hindu, for instance, but I'm pretty tight with Mel from the Greeks and Anubis from the Egyptians. Everyone's got a lot of interesting stories to tell.

If I'm ever down in LA, can I look you up?

[ill-met.insanejournal.com]

We deal with it by shooting "paper, rock, scissors." It's the only civilized way of handling things.

I'm just teasing. It really hasn't created a problem yet but I suppose it could some day if one of us shows up and feels particularly greedy. Though there's always some delicate politics that we have to jimmy with sometimes. I mean, what do you do with two fairy queens? Which sounds like the start of a hilarious joke, huh? :)

My name is Misha, by the by, and welcome to the funhouse!

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Two fairy queens is def more than the usual amount. It seems like a karaoke solvable problem though! Unlike the deity thing which will probably need a few good talker people and a guitar hero or five.

Hi, Misha. I'm still Britney. Still really confused too. How long until it gets fun?

[ill-met.insanejournal.com]

Oh, it's not even a challenge. Mab couldn't carry a tune if you gave her a bucket with a lid on it. I would say it isn't fair since I've been training for Broadway my entire life but who cares about fair? We're Faerie. Fair is for other people. ;)

It gets fun when you realize who you are, make nice with the cuter members, and relax into the pretty enjoyable madness. Trust me. It can be the most interesting time of your life.

[mr-bes.insanejournal.com]

It's almost a relief that you didn't start getting these emails until recently. Or at least that you didn't respond to the emails until now. You can see things were a little crazy there and it's better to be safe than sorry. I would rather we all be safe, to be honest.

My name is Cal Hobson and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm a teacher up in WA.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

So not only is it creepy it's actually, like, legit dangerzone? Dude. If you're so scared how come you stick around?

Hi, Mr. Hobson. Do your students know you think you're a godly dude?

[mr-bes.insanejournal.com]

I stick around because it isn't like I have much of a choice. Besides, I have my wife and our children to protect. Not to mention my friends.

Of course my students don't know. I would rather no one know, frankly, and I try to keep under the radar as much as possible. It is pretty easy when no one remembers you except specialized Egyptologists.

[blood-dog.insanejournal.com]

Tough luck, kid, but you're stuck here now. If you know who you are, then it will be easier but, if you don't, you'll figure it out soon. It probably won't reassure you any but most of the old grudges are dead and gone so we can get on with our lives pretty normally for the most part.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I'm Britney. It's a nice name. It wasn't all dated when I got it. Right now Britney is pretty legit worried she's gonna be kidnapped by a giant. Do you always greet people this way?

[blood-dog.insanejournal.com]

Honestly? Pretty much, give or take so don't take it personally. I'm not good at soft and cuddly and, believe me, you wouldn't thank me if I tried. The name is Lukas Volkov but, around here, I go by Ares.

Don't worry about giants, by the way. Goliath wouldn't have a clue about what to do with a sweet young thing like you and I'd give him a smack if he tried to think of one.

[piercethevale.insanejournal.com]

Hi Britney, nice to meet you. I guess you've been reassured by now that we're mostly harmless. Man, you posed an interesting question. I don't know how the god power-sharing thing works besides how Titania and Mab handle it. I'm not a god, though I guess I am a legend or something.

I'm Chance, by the way. Or Sir Percival. Yeah, the Arthurian guy. I'm still figuring this all out myself.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

I've decided you're too diverse to be a cult. But there is def some weird going down. Not just the power questions or the legendaryness but a whole big strange blob. Everybody's being so nice for the sitch.

Hi, though! If you're a knight do you have a sword? That would be pretty cool.

[piercethevale.insanejournal.com]

I think everybody's nice because we're all in the same boat. We're all we've got, pretty much, so it's just easier. We've had to fight and work together in the past.

Yes, I do have a sword! It's a proper medieval-style broadsword too. One of the perks I guess of being me is I'm pretty good with it. :)

[shiningone.insanejournal.com]

We're kind of like one, big conglomerate family. We fight, we laugh. We have pets and have normal jobs. Mostly.

Anyway, my name's Sean, and I generally prefer it, but most around here know me as Baldr. Welcome to the fold, IdunBritney. If you have any questions, we're here to answer.

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Mostly, except for the Captain Planet villains that come after you, the giant monsters, and the superpowers.

Wait, Baldr? Isn't he a big deal? We You were all just having a nice evening in the hall and then you died just because of one asshole. Everyone cried for ages and it still didn't help. That Baldr? Does Lady Frigg up thread know? Did you have to give Hel all your lunch money before she'd let you out?

[shiningone.insanejournal.com]

Baldr, the one and only. And yes, Frigg does know, I promise--she knew it before even I did. And Hel? Hel and I have begun a life together, and I love her dearly.

Times have changed, and so have we. Sigyn is about somewhere... Loki has come and gone a time or two--at least once since I've been in this loop, but he's been amazingly docile.

[-himself-.insanejournal.com]

Hey, Britney, sorry I'm late to the party! Sounds like you're in good hands with the rest of the gang, so I think I'll just offer my welcome. Ric Goodman, also known around these parts as Oberon, King of the Fey. Yeah, that's three Fey royalty running around, me, Titania and Mab. It's complicated, but we haven't killed each other yet.

You're an actress, you said, here in LA? We'll have to do lunch at some point!

[rejuvenator.insanejournal.com]

Thanks for the welcome. Still say the royalty thing should be solved with karaoke though.

I can do lunch. That's what people do, right? Haven't you been in a bunch of stuff?

[-himself-.insanejournal.com]

Haha, karaoke would be the most hilarious thing on earth. Luckily we are all in different parts of the country, and we rarely cross paths, so the world is safe problems rarely arise. Thankfully.

Yeah, I've been in a few movies and tv series, some commercials too. Right now I'm between projects, though I have some things in the pipeline. I'll have my people call your people and we can arrange something. I know some great spots we could meet at.